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In response to this contest, where the name of the game was to create a book blurb based on Crayola crayon colors, this is the twisted thing I submitted (note: I edited a bit). Unfortunately I didn’t come close to winning (see winners here), but I did actually get some likes, which is more than I thought this blurb would get due to how warped my imagination is. And no, I don’t plan to write a short story or book based on this cockamamie idea. I have no interest in writing what-so-ever. I’m a reader, not a writer.


Fifty Shades of Asparagus

Of all the book stores in the world, he had to wander into mine….

Book shop proprietor Lemon is tired of all the same boring men she’s been going out with: jocks, geeks, freaks, drummers, your average joe, they’re all the same after a while. She wants someone different, something different….

Asparagus, or Gus as he’s known, wants a woman, but not just any woman. She has to be smart and funny and kind, but more than that, she has blend well with him. Finding someone like that is an insurmountable feat. It’s not easy being green after all. Or a six-foot tall walking, talking vegetable. Trying to get someone to look past his appearance to the person, so to speak, he is inside has been impossible. It doesn’t help that after Gus’ buds open, his shoot quickly become woody. Talk about embarrassing!

On a miserably rainy evening, feeling down in the dumps after a blind date that ended before it ever began, Gus wanders into Lemon’s bookstore in the hopes of finding a book to take his mind off his troubles. What he finds instead is the zesty morsel he’s been dreaming of all his life. Although he mills between the bookshelves, he can’t keep his mind off the lady of his dreams and wonders futilely what he can do to make her his. Luckily for the morose Gus, he has nothing to worry about, he doesn’t have to do a thing. Yet. When Lemon catches sight of her lone customer, she doesn’t believe what she’s seeing! Her secret fantasy has come to life! She’ll stop at nothing to have….

Fifty Shades of Asparagus

Cross-posted to Kind Books and Coronets.